The Man Who Couldn't Change

Hi, this is the first film I've written, shot and edited. It's called 'The Man Who Couldn't Change.' There is heavy swearing and an adult issue, so it's not safe for work. It's hosted on youtube, and is 13 megs in size. I think that's all the info I need to put in?





I look forward to any feedback! Cheers.

Did you act in it yourself as well? The acting is very stiff, like line recitations. The characters show no life, no awareness of internal beats, no personality. They didn't bring anything special or even distinguishable into the characters. You could swap anybody with a pretty face into both these roles. The shooting and editing are rough, but they're not your main issue. The sound mix is a problem -- the recording is poor (in-camera mike?), but there's no sound design and mixing (eg. the way the voice-overs sound), so most of the film is empty, unconsidered. The music doesn't fit very well. You might want to get a pro sound designer to look at the film and give you comments. This film probably isn't worth paying a pro sound designer, but looking at what you could be doing may help you.

The main thing is, you have to build up much, much more interesting characters and performances, write sharper dialogue. "Here we are now, entertain us". The guy put me to sleep after a minute or so. I don't even know what kind of film I'm watching -- there isn't enough conflict or psychological/behavioral interest to be a drama, it's not funny so it's no comedy, and there's no sense of threat, so not a suspense.

It's been suggested here many times that people will watch a technically rough film if it's well written. I think that's the area you can improve on. Learn the three-act structure. Here are some points you can use to improve the film.

a) What's the central conflict? When do we find out what it is? That's your Act 1 break.

b) Protagonists must be pro-active. The guy is not driving any action at all. What does he want, and how does he go after it? Antagonists have wants that oppose those of the protagonist. You only have two characters, so it must be the girl. How do the girl's wants create the conflict with the main character? Is the guy even the main character? Who is forever changed over the course of the film? Look at these question carefully, because it determines the point of view of the film and therefore the sympathies of the audience. For example, Pretty Woman is not the story of Vivien (Julia Roberts), but Edward Lewis (Richard Gere).

c) What is the tone? What do you want to manipulate us into feeling? I can't tell just from the piece itself.

d) What is the rhythm of the film? Good films ebb and flow, peak and valley; they never stay in just one pace. Where are your "slow down, take note" moments? Which are your "speed up, carry the audience along" moments?

e) Screenwriting and directing maxim: "Show Don't Tell". You picked a back story for the guy that's very hard to show in a one-scene format. So he tells us he wants to molest children. It's a big "So what", because you haven't led us to believe otherwise. He has shown no interest in this attractive girl despite multiple come-ons, so we're way ahead of you -- he's gay, impotent, or a pedophile. We already knew. You need to set us up to believe otherwise.

f) What are the psychological truths behind the characters? Why in hell would this guy confess to a prostitute he's never met that he wants to have sex with children? The girl's reaction isn't surprising at all, or interesting. Now, if she responded to that with a supportive attitude, then you'd have more interest in the story because it's not what the audience would expect. And then, say she turns out to be a former victim of molestation and now she wants to destroy him (see: Hard Candy). That's back story, and that's conflict. Look at Happiness and see how Todd Solondz and Dylan Baker do a phenomenal job making the audience feel for and root for a pedophile in a cinematic context.


www.derekmok.com

I thought it was good. The acting was good.

I didn't like the echo in the voice of his thought process. Another technique would've been better.

It was well shot and the B&W seemed to add something.

I liked it more when it was about his problem with relating to a prostitute. I don't think the pedophile angle was necessary to make it more interesting ... although I could be wrong on this, judging by what I hear is popular on youtube :-)

It's a good start. I encourage you to make more films.

yeah, i think your logic on the "thought voice" is backward. rather than pushing it away with reverb i would have forced it forward with closer miking in a dead room. and i think that more contrast and grain to the look would have amped the drama a bit...

and to be honest, i really dont get the goal of the narrative? ok, so the guy digs kids and every 6 months tries it with an "adult" prostitute... it all seems kinda illogical to me. if the story is about a guy trying to break himself of a child-fixation, there would be better and more dramatic ways to tell the story.

and i think the prostitute would have freaked a bit more after hearing the confession. i dont think shed have gone back for her certificate.

Excellent, thanks for the feedback. I understand and agree with most of the points brought up and will take them into account on my next project. The only defence I'll say is that:

a) The actors aren't actors - they're friends and so when I wasn't completely happy with their performance, I didn't feel that I could request more - they were giving up time for me and I was thankful enough for that. I've learned that this isn't a great idea - next time I'll find actors and give them an incentive.

b) The empty feeling that Derek mentioned might not have worked, but it was intentional. What I was trying to do was - well I have to tell it like a little story. Whenever I get home from a night out with a couple of friends, we always turn on the television and manage to come across some grotty, dark short that we never fail to get caught up in. You never quite what you're watching until it's over, and what's more, you know you'll never see it again and that nobody outside of the room you're sat in saw it either. They're always really lonely things. That's what I was trying to make with this, which also goes some way to explain the subdued performances.

That aside, which I realise that you have to be a good director to pull off correctly, I mostly agree. The script was sub-par (I was just too excited about getting it made to spend a proper amount of time on) and it was rough. This was my own personal disappointment, as I'm actually a writer by trade and know that I'm capable of a lot better.

However I'm still writing the high of actually getting something done for once, and I'm addicted.

Hey, we've all been there, that time when we're starting to make images with music and dialogue and it's exciting. I teach editing, and just because I give no-holds-barred comments and point out what I feel is wrong with the piece doesn't mean you should feel bad about any of it, or blame your actors. Given a choice between not doing anything and doing something with friends, go with the latter. You're starting out; the goal is to keep on doing it so that you can find your voice and increase your skills. No need to defend anything you did -- as far as first pieces go, you're doing quite well. My first video piece sucked much harder.

What I'd recommend next is that you take this piece, which is already "finished", and deconstruct it. Take 12 pieces of music that are as diverse as possible (eg. country, blues, New Age, classical, pop...), and see if you can find a free sound library -- like the one in Soundtrack Pro. Now go in and cut alternate versions of the scene. Do a music-video version. A silent-film version with intertitles. An avant-garde piece with no narrative, just visual logic.

Or, stick to the narrative-film format and change the tone around. Try rethinking the piece as a comedy, or a horror. Change the music and then build a soundscape with effects. It's fun and instructive. I'd advise against playing with complex effects right now -- stick to classical film techniques for the time being, because learning effects is a big black hole that will suck up a lot of your time, while classical techniques that are easy to execute will fire up your sense of how to use techniques expressively.

Keep them coming!


www.derekmok.com

Okay, cheers. I'll have a go at chopping it up with some music.