Fingers, Short Film

First, thanks to LAFCPUG for being very helpful through color correction/blu ray authoring. Everyone has been supremely helpful and much of its success has been aided through working with this site.

My summer film is finally complete, and I wanted to share my site. I'm trying to get it into some festivals. You can check info out at www.fingersmovie.com. Love to hear feedback; I'm thinking about reworking the teaser. Doesn't feel like the proper pacing is there.

Right now im targeting mostly regional/student film fests and competitions because I think i'd have a better shot there, but if anyone has any advice about festivals and/or distribution, feel free to let it fly.

Thanks!
Jordan

Jordan, pacing is not the issue with the teaser. The issue is that I can't tell anything about the story from the teaser. Pretty images will not get any ordinary audience member to see your film. It's content -- story, characters, dialogue, personality, tone. You have the inklings of tone there -- looks like a warped comedy -- but that's such a guessing job that I can't say I have any idea what kind of film we got here.

I think you need to go back to the drawing board. Ask yourself: What is the biggest asset of my film? What is the most entertaining aspect? What's the hook? A teaser/trailer is basically a commercial for your film. What product are you selling, and what's the hook? What's your brand identity?

Here are some specific notes:

- Who's the major character, and why do we care? What happens to him?
- What is that ambient noise throughout? It's not motivated, nor is there a payoff.
- It's rarely good to start a trailer/teaser off with such a static shot. It would be more acceptable if there was a payoff to the shot. There isn't.
- I'd kill the blue colour mattes. They don't seem to serve any function except to make the piece look un-filmic. Some colours simply don't give the sense of a cinema-worthy film; this blue colour roots your film firmly in the video realm.
- You've got "lip flop" 1/3 of the way through -- since we can't hear what the guy's saying, there's no point in using a shot which is strictly for dialogue coverage.
- Pick your shots more carefully. You need more impressive shots, and not just shots that look good lighting-wise. You need "money shots". In screenwriting we say that every 10 minutes you have to throw a bomb. There are no bombs in there.
- Tone. What is this? Comedy? Warped drama? Children's? Experimental? Parody? Every one of these genres has an audience, but you've got to present your film truthfully or the right people won't see it.


www.derekmok.com

I agree with Derek. After watching it twice, I'm starting to think it's about a guy who has lost his finger. But that should be clear right at the start. Why are we watching him, what's his story, what's the film about?

Is the first shot that important? You can't really see his bandaged finger as it blends in with his clothes and is there a relation between the guy and the people in the following shots? Why the hum?

People need a reason to watch film. What is the setting of the film, what is the film about. You can leave on a cliffhanger, but it's just too vague right now. The visuals seem almost random. And yea, the blue flashes stick out.



www.strypesinpost.com