Our 2009 National Film Challenge Entry

Yes it's that time of the year again!

This is our 2009 national film challenge entry.
One thing we tried to do in editing was cut cut cut.
I think we could have added more music in there but there wasn't enough time and we had to get it mailed out.

Please let me know if there's a problem viewing it. I tested it on two different machines and it looked like it worked.





Now on YouTube




Thanks!!

First off, congratulations...you got the first laugh out of me for any of your films when the girl says, "I can only super-hear things in Spanish". I'm a pretty tough viewer when it comes to comedy, and that was the first time I was actually caught by one of your gags.

So here comes the traditional detailed analysis.

- Pretty good concept. The payoff could have been more satisfying, but it's one of your more complete and thought-out scripts.
- Since you start out with Superhuman Resources dissing all of them, a better ending would have involved having Superhuman Resources come back. For example, if the hostage had been her, or if the four come back to her office for some sweet revenge. There's more comedic potential in that kind of setup as well, especially if you can somehow work in that they are still the bumbling idiots they started life as.
- Here's where I detect a case of "referred pain". Your script may have had a more satisfying conclusion if you weren't bogged down by weak performances. In particular, one weak performance -- the fire guy. He is horrible. Nothing's worse than an actor who thinks he's funny and tries to hog all the scenes, but ends up being dishonest, overblown and, basically, unfunny in the extreme. By contrast, the woman playing "Superhuman Resources" gives perhaps the best performance I've seen in any of your works -- she's much more naturalistic and looks like she is the character, rather than trying to play the character like an actor.
- Stop mucking with titles and effects! Your film would have been better served with simple, feature-film-inspired titles rather than those cheesy fly-ins and lower 3rds. Especially the name cards of the superheroes. The most organic way to get their names across in a more feature-film-worthy style is probably to shoot some personnel files with the names written/typed on them, or at least to do something simple like the text in Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Man on Fire. Right now, those coloured backgrounds set your short firmly in the video and promo realms.
- Editing is still choppy. Those jump cuts in the "personnel review" only serve to suggest to us that you couldn't find one complete good take. Utterly unmotivated. Outsource Man's entrance also looks completely un-considered, as if you didn't bother to figure out how he'd appear in the film.


www.derekmok.com

This actually seems like one of your stronger works. There's more motivation. I have to say that interest kinda dwindled after a while.

I did like the opening graphics. Was cool and fun.

Some points:

- The angles at the interview don't match very well.
- The exit of Mark Shapiro from that scene is a jump cut
- the confrontational scene... do you have a WS?
- The entry of outsource man in the confrontational scene looks a little strange. The spatial relationship between the characters isn't properly set up, and the angle on outsource man seems to be off.
- 5:07- awkward scene transition.
- 5:14- jump cut

Overall, I didn't like the action scene very much. It could have been beefed up a little. The acting was a little hokey, except for the HR lady.

I agree with derek on the role of the Outsource Man. I was kinda lost on that one. How did he suddenly appear in the middle of the interview with someone else when he's somewhere else?



www.strypesinpost.com