Tell me what you think. Short Dramatic Film

Hi-
I cut this film. (narrative dramatic short) We are sending it to lots of fests. Been accepted to a few so far. Website still needs work (where's my bio?!) but take a look at the clips. Tell me what you think.... Still gotta cut a trailer. Please also share your thoughts on using scene segments vs. a trailer for web/promo purposes.

www.triggereffectmovie.com

Many thanks!

Alison

Looks great Alison. Excellent job. Really like the first and third clips. The 2nd one kind of lost me, not so much for the actors who are superb, but the dialogue kind of got a bit preachy. They weren't telling me anything we don't already know. Based on the first and third clips though I'd go see this movie.

Michael Horton
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I mostly agree with Mike, but I think the first clip was also a little problematic for me. The people are saying exactly what I would expect. What would be powerful here is the specificity. The clip starts out incredibly strong ("shot 22 times" but then veered off into general gun rhetoric. I want to see the personal, what's specific to the characters themselves.

All three clips could be a bit tighter. The first one, especially -- I feel like the film's (and editor's) rhythm here needs to be a torrent -- the passion, anger, grief and burning emotions of the people in that meeting should be condensed into an eruption, not a leisurely nudge, nudge rhythm. Also, the camera operator was a bit too addicted to the zooms -- I would have cut out half of them.

The first two clips need more sound design since their surroundings are obviously important to the content, yet they feel like they're in a void, insulated from instead of immersed in the world. Clip #2 needs major colour-correction work.

As a dramatic piece, I think you guys should pick excerpts that are more personal. Clip #3 is easily the strongest of the bunch because the guy selling the gun behaves in a surprising way. I think you can tighten this scene as well, and also add a bit more fluidity to the editing -- the cutting chases the line a bit. Other than that, though, it's a nice scene.

I think these are about 80 per cent there. I think with some more work, they can be great rather than good. Don't make the scenes mouthpieces for sociological ideas and banter. Make them personal, and dramatic, and emotional. The points will come out on their own if your characters and situations ring true.


www.derekmok.com

Derek and Mike,
Thanks for great feedback! Been a stay-home mom for the last several years, so 80% on my first project in a while is not bad.

Nice to hear good feedback on acting because I really tried very hard to make my first cutting priorities performance and emotion. Outtakes on one of those guys would make you cringe.

First scene: a bitch on many levels. I cut lots of versions, probably should have fought harder - director was looking to make just one point and make sure audience got it. Overall he asks to, "hold a beat", "take a breath" and "cut nnnoooooowww". So I hear ya on fluidity and rythm issues. Second scene: I agree feels a bit out of context that's part of why I wonder overall on using clips vs a trailer... color correction: DP had very specific intentions there, I think the color over all gains and saturates when viewing on the web though. Looks good on big screen...Third scene: is my baby. I never get tired of watching it.

I've got some good ideas now for making a much tighter, more emotional trailer. I'll post back with it in a week or so....

Cheers,
-AJS

> Been a stay-home mom for the last several years

I take my hat off to you. That's an awfully hard thing to juggle with filmmaking.

I hate it when a director/producer does the "hoooold...SNAP!" thing. Why do they have to snap their fingers?


www.derekmok.com

i agree that the 3rd clip is the strongest of the group. i do though think it would have more impact if
when jt lays down the gun that you cut to the gun on the table before going to angel OR at least make angels clip a good bit shorter, then go to the gun.

i also think that starting with "nah, i dont think you ready 4 that" and forward would have been more dramatic with a closeup (equal or tighter than the first shot) on jt. i see what youre doing, in pulling back on each person as the scene progresses, i just think that the drama would be amped a bit - at least on the first shot after the gun was tighter in

superb effort overall though, id love to see the final movie

The only thing that stuck out to me were the quick zooms in the first one. Didn't jive with me but that's just me. I'd like to see the whole film now. Good work

Congratulations on getting the film out there. for me, the most compelling was the last clip, because it made me want to know what the story was.

yeah i am on the 3rd clip also. the middle clip is way to " gun statement 101". your edit saved it from being that annoying seen that in hind-sight will always irk you and you wish you could do over. i have a few that haunt my life to this day.

btw, what model camera was used to shoot?

""" What you do with what you have, is more important than what you could do, with what you don't have."

> > > Knowledge + Action = Wisdom - J. Corbett 1992 """"