funny 30 sec spot for web

Check out this ad I wrote, directed, shot and cut on my mac. I shot with a canon XHA1 HDV Format. Uploaded it as an H264 video file with the HD specs for youtube. My crew was myself and 1 PA. Below are links to the youtube url. Takes few seconds to load on High speed.

There are two versions of this (of course):

My cut aka Director's cut:




Client's Cut:





Enjoy!

Hoss

Far too repetitive for a 30-second spot. Seems more suitable for a 10-second teaser.

And I think I'll steal a note that usually would come from Joe:

Needs better graphics! The "End the Torture" font looks amateurish.

It also needs sound mixing, big time.


www.derekmok.com

Thanks for the feedback Derek, but it is exactly how it's suppose to be!! That includes the concept, the font, sound and all......It doesn't mean it's amateur.

"...Or you get it or you don't!"
- A Mel Brooks quote from "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

It's funny and it will call people atention.

I share with Derek's point of view.

It can be annoing after some time and people will look the other way.

Sound is very important and that background noise is easy to be removed with Soundtrack Pro.

"That includes the concept, the font, sound and all......It doesn't mean it's amateur"

You know it but it looks like that some work was left to do.

Rui Barros
Editor Colorist Trainer
Lisbon, Portugal
RTP Post-Production
Apple Certified Trainer FCP 7
Apple Certified Pro FCP 7

Funny Spot Hoss

A very good idea - I especially loved the faces definitely looked painful.


Constructive criticism.

I would say that the Client cut could have been 30 seconds rather than 40 - cut down the screaming. Its funny but you definitely don't need so much.

I agree with D on the Text - it could be done better (I presume thats the client font?)

Honestly its a size issue - the typeface is too big for that type of Serif Font. Also in-line text might have worked better.

Copy wise I think that it would be better saying:

Waxing is Torture - End the Pain!

or

Waxing is Pain - End the Torture!

Two "Tortures" is repetitive.

Some of the white backgrounds aren't white - but it doesn't jar so its not important.

I think it would have better to see the people without apparent clothing on their shoulders as the fact they are wearing clothes somehow ruins the effect of the pain they are acting out.

On the client version I'd try to put a bit more colour on the laser treatment section as the guy looks extremely anemic and slightly jaundiced!

Lastly - is this going for Broadcast? The end cards for both Director's and Client's cuts do not allow for TV safe. If you do one for TV then you need to check what TV Safe area you need. ie: 4:3, 14:9 or 16:9 and adjust the graphics accordingly

Even if its not for TV, the logo at the end is too close to the left-hand edge and it feels cramped and/or cut off.

I would have liked to have seen a warm happy fuzzy face at the end showing that (relatively painless) Laser hair removal is something to smile about.

Quote

It also needs sound mixing, big time.

Not sure it does actually - the hard cuts in sound/vision work well and add to the effect.


Some of my crit are suggestions so feel free to ignore them - however the TV safe would be serious and if you go to broadcast and will need correcting.



For instant answers to more than one hundred common FCP questions, check out the LAFCPUG FAQ Wiki here : [www.lafcpug.org]

I just listened through headphones - as the first time round there was a lot of noise outside and I agree on the client video - the background sound in the laser treatment is quite uncomfortable - you could easily replace the beep with a sound effect and maybe add a warm drone/hum to add some warmth to the end.



For instant answers to more than one hundred common FCP questions, check out the LAFCPUG FAQ Wiki here : [www.lafcpug.org]

Thank you all for the positive feedback. I really appreciate it.

As with every production there is a nightmare client behind the story. Here is mine, so I put together this spec to get the budget for the real shoot in HD, but the client cheaped out on me at the end and didn't want to fork up the $$ to reshoot it. To add salt to the wound they gave me their own footage of the actual treatment shot on a Sony HD consumer camera to add in there...

I will go back and work on it for my reel based on the feedback you guys gave me. Thank you guys!

Stay tuned for the polished revision!

Hoss

Its often the case - you have to know when to stop and that is hopefully short of going over budget!

Let us know on this link when the newer version is ready!



For instant answers to more than one hundred common FCP questions, check out the LAFCPUG FAQ Wiki here : [www.lafcpug.org]