Check out my video

Hey people, new guy here .

I'm a first year film student at Cal State LA. Check out this video I made for one of my projects and tell me what you think.

Your video can be half as long and twice as interesting, I think.

Take out 80 per cent of the "sitting under a tree" shots in the beginning. Shave down your skateboarding shots to only the best angles (like the low angle and the pan); I see only three, at most four angles needed, because he's doing the exact same move over and over, so there's nothing new to see. Oh, and avoid those voice-over parts where the microphone pops.

Now turn your structure upside down. Put the ending shots in the beginning and pick one or two of the "sitting/reflective" shots, probably including the profile on his face. Begin your video on the kinetic shots, because it's much more interesting to watch the guy skateboarding than to watch those sitting shots, which wear thin after about four seconds. So have him talking about skateboarding as we also watch the B-roll of him skateboarding. Then wrap it up with his face. Perhaps one last shot (your most impressive shot) at the very end to cap it all off.

And there's no need at all for that huge gap after the voice-over ends. There are no new sound or visual elements to watch. So cut the thing off at about 30 seconds and I think it'll be tighter and better. If you don't want to lose as many of the skateboarding shots as I suggest, try what happens if you cut two of them together, either match-cutting or with repeat action.


www.derekmok.com

well I forgot to mention I was working w/ a bad mic in my camera which is why you cant hear him.
This project was primarily about camera position, which is why you see the shot angles. And also the location was a bad spot, but it was the only bench that was skateable LOL.

I like it.
The audio is annoying tho.

Johan Polhem
Motion Graphics
www.johanpolhem.com

> the less you have in one aspect, the more you need going for you in the other
> areas to make a scene work.

True to some extent. But nothing, nothing, nothing will rescue bad acting. This is why a narrative director can know nothing about lighting and camera, editing, music and sound mixing. A narrative director doesn't even need to be a screenwriter. But no narrative director can be a noob with actors because that's the part nobody else can help you with. The actors themselves can't see what they're doing, they can only guess from what they're feeling, and also, unlike the other people on the team, they're the ones who can't be too conscious of what they're doing.

That's why so many crappy films are made by directors coming out of commercials and music video -- two of the shallowest genres when it comes to acting. Casting rappers in roles all over the place, big undisciplined acting beats, casting Brandy or Rebecca Gayheart.


www.derekmok.com

I agree with D-Mok...I think it needs a lot of help. I don't know what you are trying to say with this. Here's my honest 2¢...

? Intro logo is 18 seconds...way too long to stare at a logo.

? I would try to hide the fact that you used a canned Motion emitter effect by compositing it with other elements & change the color up a bit. The thing I always try to stress is if you use FX / plug-ins, make it look as organic as possible. The worst thing is for people to recognize what software / plug-ins are used on a piece. NEVER use canned FX on a Demo...some Hiring Managers / Art Directors hold on to those reels for a laugh (trust me).

? You start out with a giant cityscape and then stay on the same bench for the entire piece. I would have added different locations / tricks to add interest instead of staying on the same bench the whole time. If you love skateboarding more than working, show it

? Clicks / pops in the audio = annoying

? There is a huge gap of no VO...just music. I would have at the very least added skateboard sounds in there (next time, use a seperate shotgun mic to record the sounds - if you are in film school, you should be able to sign one out).

? There is missing dialog at the end over the talking head - makes no sense.

? The camera work is rough / shaky / poorly framed most of the time.

One thing you will always get here is honest feedback based on what you submitted so don't take it personally. One of the things you should be learning is how to take constructive criticism. I personally don't hold back because I want everyone to do their best. Don't make excuses - like for the mic. If you knew it was bad before shooting, you should have borrowed another camera.

Keep moving forward!

When life gives you dilemmas...make dilemmanade.

i agree with joe and mok.

logo 10 secs and under.

the end should not have been used you could have just faded during the tricks.

you also need some sort of last statement to help usher the ending.

you had some v/o but it wasn't much you could have chopped the v/o up into 3 or 4 separate sentences and allowed the music to play for 5 - 10secs in between each statement.

i like the music.

the scene in the front with the sky line could have also be used better. For instance it could have been chopped into 2 pieces after you used it in the beginning. the 2 pieces could have been used as a filler between the cuts of him sitting.

it could have went like this.

shot1 - logo
shot2 - city skyline
shot 3 - him sitting looking around with one phrase from the v/o
shot4 - skyline with a color change using the rgb filter in fcp. also a speed change maybe 3-4secs
shot5 - skateboard trick or 2

after that repeat 3 -5 and end it.

next time shot 2 different areas in the same location if all you have is 1 location. You could have been the bench and then the side walk leading to the bench.

""" What you do with what you have, is more important than what you could do, with what you don't have."

> > > Knowledge + Action = Wisdom - J. Corbett 1992 """"